120: “ I am still working on dismantling this deep prejudice within myself, but I hope that recognising it is the first step to change”

I was walking to the bus stop after work, down a street in central London in the wee hours of the morning, smoking a joint, when suddenly a cop appeared on either side of me. They asked what I was doing and I fessed up. They laughed and said how they had smelled it and thought it was someone else, not imagining it could have been me (a young, white woman). They told me it was illegal and asked me to throw it away, which I did. They then carried on their merry way, seemingly amused by the encounter. No warning, no search, no consequence. And from what I’ve seen, no way that’s how it would have played out if I had been Black.

I'm not sure about UK, as I just been living in London. The most multicultural place that I have been. But from my experience, I can say that just the color of the skin, can make a huge difference in how people approach to you.

I was sitting on the bus and the drivers cab door was not closed properly so he opened the door and slammed the door. A white woman got up from her seat, went over to the cab and said very rudely to the driver 'you can't do that' 'some people on this bus might have a disability'. The bus driver explained 'i was just trying to close the door' and then she said 'I dont care you can't do that'. To which point the driver responded 'yes I can'. Then she shouted 'no you can't'. Then the driver opened the door and slammed it again. Then the woman started grunting sat down on her seat and then started shouting at him from the seat 'I'm going to complain to TFL I want your number and I want your name'. Then out of no where she said 'Then you can and enjoy and look forward to BLACK Friday' and then you can go home and eat yourself some 'BLACK pudding'. She turned racist. When she got off she went round to the front doors and started scribbling on her notepad and started to actually sketch and image of the driver too

I grew up in a rural church in the UK, in an almost exclusively white area with a white minister and a white congregation (apart from the very occasional visitor). Like many churches we had an interest in global mission especially in Africa and Asia; the church noticeboard would feature pictures of mission projects that we supported. As the time I felt glad to be connected to a global Christian family with people of different ethnicities and cultures. I realise now that all the images of Black or Asian people I grew up with in church were of people on the receiving end of mission, of poor people being helped, people being evangelised. I didn't see or hear of any Black or Asian preachers, missionaries, theologians, or church leaders. It created deep within me a prejudiced impression that white Christians were superior, the ones who help others, who offer hospitality, mission and church leadership; and that Black and Asian Christians were inferior beneficiaries, living in poverty, those who learn from white people, those who follow & receive. I recognise how these images from my childhood have shaped my attitude towards Black and Asian people, including those living in in the UK. I am ashamed to discover in myself a deeply held sense of white superiority - an innate sense that I should be the one to speak and Black and Asian people should be expected to listen; that white people teach/lead and others should learn and follow. I am still working on dismantling this deep prejudice within myself, but I hope that recognising it is the first step to change.